'Fire Your Marketing Guy'; Liquid Death Channels The Rage Into a Heavy Metal Album

The very angry sounding man throatily roars:

Quality woman repellent. Bankrupt in no time. Fire the guy who came up with this pitch. And everyone who signed off on it. That name makes me not wanna drink your water. Fire your marketing guy.

This is not your average heavy metal album. In fact, the lyrics are entirely composed of little anti-ditties, if you will, of real word-for-word hate comments from social media commenters and online reviewers who for some reason are very angry about Liquid Death Mountain Water.


This is a disgrace. Your soul is worth a lot more Than a case of water. My soul belongs to my heavenly father Who gave it to me To use until he needs it back. This crap is pure evil in the works.

The brand, which provides water in a tallboy can with the tagline "Murder Your Thirst," has typically used tongue-in-cheek humor for easily viral marketing. (On their website, for example, they're currently offering a "Fuck Corona Special," which includes special bulk pricing on cases.)

Why, why would I buy something That leads me to believe I am going to die from drinking it? Liquid death! This [sic] probably the dumbest product I have ever seen. Bad marketing.

On Friday, Liquid Death, a Santa Monica-based canned-water startup, released its first-ever music album, titled the "Greatest Hates," which includes song titles like "Huge Tools (Every Single Person Involved)," "Reconsider Your Life Choices," "Selling Your Soul is Deplorable," and "Fire Your Marketing Guy."

So you were expecting us to ingest, Something that's labeled "Liquid Death"?! I wish these owners would go on Shark Tank Just so I can see them get slaughtered For naming their water "Liquid Death"

The songs are available on Spotify and YouTube, too. The company worked with legit musicians and producers that includes Gus Rios, who played drums for the death metal group "Malevolent Creation,"; Matt LaPlant, who has worked with artists like Justin Bieber, Jennifer Lopez, and also Malevolent Creation; Seth Ringler, a guitarist with "Upon Infliction"; Torin Ridgeway, does lead vocals here, of "Arsis"; and Jim Malone of "Arsis."

Bit over the top. The fact that you have an option To "sell your soul" is deplorable. Try a new sales pitch That isn't for satan worshippers.

Co-founded by a former Netflix-linked creative director Mike Cessario, Science Inc.-backed Liquid Death raised $9 million in Series A funding led by Velvet Sea Ventures in February. Cessario said amid the pandemic, the cans are selling well after its recent launch at Whole Foods Markets. But clearly, despite winning over venture capitalists, it has a lot of haters, too. In the newest album, available in vinyl, the company channels that rage into a bit of art and entertainment, that's like their other company tagline, "proudly not for everyone."

"If you have something that people truly love so much that they're actually tattooing the brand name on their bodies like they are with Liquid Death you're going to have people who hate it," Cessario said.

The timing has also worked out in a way, even though the album has been months in the works.

"People want humor and levity right now, more than ever," Cessario said. "We're trying to make light of things, even though it's really a dark time."

On a more serious note, Liquid Death has created a profit-sharing program to help bars and bands impacted by COVID-19. The company will give 50% of the profits to "death peddlers" who bring in new revenue from fans and followers who make purchases using a unique code.

Here's one more for the road:

I'm not sure there is any way possible To make the water seem less appealing. Disgusting name. Decomposing head on can. Water is not actually visible. In public or at work??? Looks like you're drinking Corner-store malt liquor

Read the full lyrics here

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